10 College Letter Similes So Real They’ll Make Your Heart Hurt

Image by Abby Lass

By Abby Lass


1) Getting rejected from your safety school is like your mother telling you you’re adopted even though you’ve seen the video of your birth.

What the hell, world?

2) Getting deferred from your dream school is like having the love of your life kiss you after they’ve insisted that you’ll never be more than friends.

My heart can’t handle these mixed signals, stop leading me on!

3) Getting a huge scholarship from a school you hate is like when your aunt gives you a $200 gift card to Baby Gap.

This school has literally nothing I want but look at all this freaking money.

4) Getting accepted to your target school is like Disney announcing that they’re going to do live action remakes of all your favorite animated movies from your childhood.

Not what I was hoping for but still solid.

5) Getting rejected from a school that was way out of your league is like the moment you realize how wrong you were to think that you could beat Usain Bolt in a 5k just because he’s a sprinter.

So I went big, sue me.

6) Getting accepted to your reach school is like finding a treasure trove of unused gift cards after four hours of cleaning out your closet.

Looks like all that hard work just paid off.

7) Getting accepted to your safety school is like craving Cheetos and then being handed off-brand cheese curls.

We can do better. We must.

8) Getting accepted to the school that all your family members attended is like cutting yourself a slice of cake that is far too big and then feeling the need to finish it all.

I definitely did not see all of these group family emails coming.

9) Getting accepted to a school you didn’t apply to is like finding a crumb on your desk and having to decide whether it’s a chocolate chip or a chunk of brown eyeliner crayon.

This is either an amazing opportunity or total crap (and you won’t know which until it’s too late).

10) Getting accepted to your dream school is like being left alone in your home after a long day and getting to blast whatever music you want and throw all your homework into the furnace.

We’re all proud of you, now go be free.

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Abby Lass is the managing editor of arts and an avid reader of Percy Jackson. She has a deep passion for overzealous rants, overcommitment, and excessive analysis.