Breaking: Young Jewish Teen Overflowing With Christmas Spirit

Photo by Julie Samuels

By Aviva Rosenberg

As the holiday season approaches, Newton appears to have been hit with another epidemic of CLJs (Christmas Loving Jews). Local sophomore Channa Kaharry appears to be patient zero of the sickness that is sweeping the nation.

Channa’s friends from Camp Yavneh were the first to notice the early warning symptoms, which included egregious use of Christmas lights in her room, excessive consumption of gingerbread cookies, and watching Love Actually on repeat.

After temple on Saturday, Kaharry was seen at her local Starbucks, smiling uncontrollably at her grande peppermint mocha’s reindeer-themed cup decorations. Local baristas commented on her jolly spirit and lovely red and green ornamental earrings.

Her parents report that as she munched on her brunch of bagels and lox the following morning, she “hummed loudly,” alternating between “All I want for Christmas is You” and “Let It Snow” while complaining about some classmates, who her parents describe as “real mashuganas.”

When asked about her holiday cheer, Kaharry said that she “got her spirit from her Bubbe” who reportedly “loved Rudolph more than any goy she knew.” This claim has provoked scientists to study whether the familial resemblance is an anomaly or whether CLJ is indeed hereditary.

Kaharry was recently spotted throwing candy-cane-patterned yamakas to passersby on the streets.