By Abby Lass
Editor-in-Chief
1) Accidentally referring to Rosh Hashanah as “The Day of Atonement” and getting some wicked side eye from your fellow Hebrews
Atoning for my lack of knowledge counts, doesn’t it?
2) Being too self-conscious to ask people whether or not you have to fast once the sun goes down
I guess I’ll just keep going until someone tells me to stop.
3) Awkwardly being reminded by your rabbi that you haven’t set foot in your temple since last year’s High Holy Days
Sorry about last Shabbat, I was at the Under the Lights game…
4) Being told that you don’t understand the struggle because your family doesn’t even belong to a temple and thus you don’t have to sit through services
You jew you and I’ll jew me, thank you very much.
5) Trying not to feel bad about yourself when the 10 year old chanting on the bimah knows more about your religion than you do
I could follow along if you just put in some vowels!
6) Telling someone “yom huledet sameach” instead of “l’shana tova” and realizing that you are a fraud
I am a disgrace.
7) Trying to find the perfect outfit for services that demonstrates your commitment to both God, fashion, and comfort
And then realizing that for some reason God hates your shoulders and wants them to be covered so you have to start all over again.
8) Attempting to convince yourself that only going to services on Monday is perfectly adequate
Maybe I’ll just pray twice as hard.
9) Reminding yourself during services that it could be worse– you could be fasting
And now I feel less bad about spending the service fantasizing about kugel.
10) Insisting that all your goyim friends thank you for getting them out of classes
Don’t worry, kid, I got you covered next week, too.
