Graphic by Dina Kats
Evan Stotsky
Pro Procrastinator
In a recently-issued official statement, the NFL explained the controversial move:
“We just felt it would be more competitive if a team didn’t have to play the Dolphins and instead got an automatic tie. The split wasn’t, like, totally mutual, but we thought the Dolphins had suffered enough already.”
One anonymous Dolphins player shared that he wasn’t really surprised by the news: “Honestly I think it’s good for the team, we need a year to really find ourselves. I’d like to spend a year playing in more difficult conditions with better players to improve my strength, stamina, and mental toughness, but we’ll see if I make it during high school tryouts.”
The owner of the Dolphins was not as happy with the news and responded by putting the team up for sale. No one has purchased the team yet despite the record low price tag of $5 for both the team and the stadium. Hopefully the Dolphins figure it out soon, but for now, NFL fans can rest easy knowing they won’t get severely trashed every week.
